Monday, November 27, 2006

monday morning jenny/joanna.

BAM. Good talk. See you out there.


If I die suddenly, it is Sundays that killed me. A literal all-day drink-a-thon. Mouth tastes like shitty beer and tobacco. Head feels like I've been beaten with a turkey leg for an extended amout of time. And judging by this last sentence, I can't even spell 'amount' right.

So maybe I'm hungover but this is hilarious.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

congratulations kramer.

Well you're famous again retard. Dude is fucking nuts.

The incident.

The apology.

Quick version.

Whole thing.

So guy was getting heckled and just erupted into some deep well of anger and hate that he probably didn't even know was there. He's totally insane, washed-up and angry about it. I mean this shit it crazy...watching someone completely consumed and going out of their minds. Racial epithets + YouTube = you're fucked. Idiot.

The inevitable YouTube responses...

Monday, November 20, 2006


Holy smokes.

'Does' God exist! Jenny Lewis might be bumped from the number one spot. Who cares if Joanna Newsom sounds like a creepy little kid when she sings. She can pluck my harp strings anytime (not meant to be sexual, unless you're CKL...then that is a little joke just for you).

Read this interview over at the Fork for more info on Joanna and the brilliant Ys.

I'm officially fucked in my fantasy league thanks to Donovan McTornKneeLigament. It was a great weekend in football though; the Pats blanked Green Bay, the fucking Colts and AODS* sufferer Peyton Manning took a loss FINALLY (keeping the Miami undefeated season alive), and the Fish beat the Vikings- I made a prediction about the Dolphins season this year...I don't want to say anything otherwise I'd jinx it. Now if Joey can just CALM DOWN...
And this guy is hands down playing the best football around.

Jason Taylor. He was in the Jackass Two movie. Dude is a BA.

*Adult Onset Downs Syndrome. Like Horseface has.

monday morning jenny

Here's Jenny and her super lame boyfriend/guitar player Macauley Culkin.

I meant Jonathan Rice.

Sufjan is one of the sexiest men in the world says Laura is salivating.

What'd you do this weekend? Drink tons and eat pho?

Me too.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

anything better than this shit?

Probably the coolest picture ever. Mastodon meets Borat.


They do "Lazy Scranton" on 'The Office' tonight. Fucking hell.

Monday, November 13, 2006

it's all true...

This album is so beautiful it hurts...maybe the pain is from me kicking myself for missing her fucking show! Seriously though...releases officially tomorrow (Tuesday, November 14th). If you were ever on the fence with Joanna, this record will send you right over the edge.

Oh yeah, homegirl is a doe.

Even if she looks like a gelfling...

Sunday, November 12, 2006


This is from a June post.

'Also, was anyone paying attention when they took the gay marriage ban to Congress? Not only did Bush and his cronies not get the 2/3rds needed to make it an amendment, they didn't even get the majority of votes- in fact- they got one less vote than when they first tried to push this through in `04. Listen to how awesomely deluded Republicans are:

"We were hoping to get over 50 percent, but that didn't happen today," said Sen. David Vitter, R-La., one of the amendment's supporters. "Eventually, Congress is going to have to catch up to the wisdom of the American people or the American people will change Congress for the better."'

HA! Let's look at one line in particular...

"Eventually, Congress is going to have to catch up to the wisdom of the American people or the American people will change Congress for the better."

Fuck off and die Senator Vitter. I think the American people took your suggestion to heart.

Friday, November 10, 2006

this did not happen on purpose...


Great minds think alike. Handlebars for all this holiday season...

Thursday, November 09, 2006


Lost Discussion Deficiency Syndrome.
I find this hilarious.

Yeah! What the fuck is up with Desmond!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

music for fucking Republican butts

The Rapture - "Whoo Uh-huh - Yeah Alright!"

Funnest band ever.

Sufjan Stevens - "Put the Lights on the Tree"

from the forthcoming Songs for Christmas boxset.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

country music is retarded

First, notice the outfits. Then notice Faith Hill's completely ridiculous reaction to losing. Pretty fucking priceless.

Monday, November 06, 2006

oh yeah...

...then there's this:

Keeping the undefeated season alive.


So I totally thought Joanna Newsom was tonight, not last night. Maybe if I didn't drink all goddamn day I would've remembered. I didn't even realize it when Laura told me last night she wasn't going, or when I spent eight hours at the Bluebird on Saturday, underneath a marquee that read "SUN: JOANNA NEWSOM". That's so dumb. It might be me being delirious all the time because of a severe lack of sleep. I can't get more than 6 hours, ever. I drank all day yesterday and turned my light out at midnight, and lo and behold at 540AM I pop out of bed (well, I didn't pop) ready to start my day. I don't have to be anywhere until 11. Dumb. Let's look over the symptoms of sleep deprivation.

irritability: yes. very irritated. with everyone.
blurred vision: yes.
slurred speech: almost always. again last night someone thought I introduced myself as "Ben", not "Matt". which happens ALLTHEFUCKINGTIME.
memory lapses / memory Loss: example- the joanna newsom show.
overall confusion: of course. I am thoroughly confused with everything.
hallucinations: yes. the little movements in the peripherals that drive me nuts.
hernia: I don't really know what that is. back problem or something. I just remember Weird Al's "Living with a Hernia".
nausea: yes.
psychosis: well, no, maybe. no.
depression: not anymore than usual.
decreased mental activity: this is true. football+beer all day and even that was a chore.
decreased concentration: also true.
Decreased ability for the immune system to fight off sickness: we will find out.
Weight gain: ha!
increased blood pressure: dunno.
Aching muscles: yes.
Faster aging: have you seen the circles under my eyes?
Impatience: I don't even want to finish filling this shit out. totally over it.
Slowed reaction time: which allowed me to step on my belt buckle the other night fucking up the heel of my right foot.
Misbehavior: always misbehaving.
Yawning: huge yawner.
Daytime Naps: well this one no. never. not a napper.
Hypertension/Hyperactivity: sure. why not.
dizziness: well i am incredibly clumsy anyway, so it's hard to say whether it's dizziness or retardation.

Aha! See! Diagnosis: sleep deprived. Look at this as well (taken from, what else, Wikipedia).

"According to a 2000 study published in the British scientific journal, researchers in Australia and New Zealand reported that sleep deprivation can have some of the same hazardous effects as being drunk. Getting less than 6 hours a night can affect coordination, judgment and reaction time. People who drove after being awake for 17–19 hours performed worse than those with a blood alcohol level of .05 percent, which is the legal limit for drunk driving in most western European countries (U.S. states set their blood alcohol limits at .08 percent). In addition, as a result on continuous muscular activity without proper rest time, effects such as cramping are much more frequent in sleep-deprived individuals. Extreme cases of sleep deprivation have been reported to be associated with hernias, muscle fascia tears, and other such problems commonly associated with physical overexertion. Beyond impaired motor skills, people who get too little sleep may have higher levels of stress, anxiety and depression, and may take unnecessary risks. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, over 100,000 traffic accidents each year are caused by fatigue and drowsiness. A new study has shown that while total sleep deprivation for one night caused many errors, the errors were not significant until after the second night of total sleep deprivation."

Oh great. Cramping. This sucks. I am a boozer anyways. Anyway I'm bored now. I always bitch about sleep. Always. It's cos I don't get any.

Let's do a Longman style alcohol timeline.
SUNDAY...1PM to 10PMish
1. Bloody Mary - Patrick Carroll's
2. Bud Light - Patrick Carroll's
3. Bud Light - Patrick Carroll's
4. Jameson shot - Patrick Carroll's
5. Bud Light with V8 - Patrick Carroll's
6. Coors Light - Illegal Pete's
7. Bud Bottle - Elitch Lanes
8. Bud Bottle - Elitch Lanes
10. Bud Bottle - Elitch Lanes
11. Corazon shot - Elitch Lanes
12. Amstel Light - Pourhouse
13. Hornitos shot - Pourhouse
14. Tullamore Dew shot - Pourhouse
15. Amstel Light - Pourhouse
16. Amstel Light - Pourhouse
17. Tully shot - Pourhouse
18. Hornitos shot - Lure
19. Blueberry Stoli pres - Lure

My own personal marathon. And yesterday was a good day. On another note, if I get one more fucking dumb myspace message from "JENIHEART" or "HEATHER HOTTT!!" about how much they loved my profile I am going to head butt the computer. I reply to each and every one "fuck off and die".

Maybe this post should be called "Monday Morning Negativity".

I love cheese.

Have you heard this band Made Out Of Babies? Awesome fucking name. More info about MOOB's (ha!) CMJ show here!.

monday morning jenny

If you've seen JL&WT then you know this is a staple of the set.

I can't sleep. I have a problem.