now I'm a real soccer player

BAM!

I got a red card last night during our 5-2 loss last night at indoor soccer. In a highly uncharacteristic display, I chased down this little bastard and boarded the shit out of him, right after he sent me ass over elbow at mid-field.

The guy was playing cheap, flopping all the time and drawing fouls on us which is ridiculous because we're in the super-amateur skill class. Obviously some kind of ringer. He also incessantly called for the ball and would throw his hands up in confusion if his teammates didn't respond. And dude picked on the weaker members of our team. So right at the end (after Ryan drew a yellow card for tackling the shit out of him) he challenged me and sent me to the turf. I got up, watched him and Ryan run afer the ball, and basically just charged at him. Two seconds earlier and the ball would have been at his feet and I possibly could have avoided the foul, but who cares. It was kind of worth it. At first I felt terrible, and was embarrassed. But after awhile I felt like, oh well, shit happens. Even his own team seemed kind of annoyed at him. I told English Dave that I felt bad about it and he told me not to and almost seemed proud. He said the ref was just waiting for this kind of scenario with this guy to happen, that everyone on the field knew I was going to rush him, and that I am lucky that I didn't know how to tackle properly or else there could have been an injury.

Moral of the story is don't fuck with me playing soccer apparently. I avoided the two-game suspension and fine because the ref and our team have a little rapport, and he either was feeling forgiving or -as I'd like to believe- he wanted to see that fucker go down.

Wolf Parade at the Fox

Wolf Parade is like totally the fucking best band ever!" -actual quote overheard at the show.

The Wolfs came through and did one at the Fox last night. They brought Frog Eyes with them as well.

I arrived kinda late (long story) and only ended up seeing about four songs from Frog Eyes. They are exactly what I expected, and I wasn't blown away. Carey Mercer was fun to watch however, as well as his doe of a wife drummer. Carey did tell an amusing story about the last time they played in Denver (at the Hi-Dive), claiming a woman flashed the band and squirted breast milk on them. Judging by the onstage bantar of the band I assumed this was total bullshit, until after the set I ran into my friend Nicole. She not only confirmed the story, but informed me that it was in fact her sister that sprayed breastmilk on Frog Eyes (she was nursing at the time). Apparently she also did this to Bob Log III.

Wolf Parade came out and fucking slayed. This band is amazing anyway, but the songs come off absolutely incredible live. After a flurry of crowd-pleasers ("Shine A Light", "Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghosts", "You Are A Runner" right into "Fancy Claps"...pretty much all of Apologies to the Queen Mary, duh) they even graced the especially dancey crowd with a few new tracks. After "This Heart's On Fire" (a personal favorite of mine) they left the stage, only to return a few minutes later with Frog Eyes in tow for a truly epic extended version of "Dinner Bells". Fucking rad all the way around. I left feeling very happy.

The show was sold out; according to some dejected youths out front it had sold out the day before. I noticed that the crowd was a lot more college-y than I expected it to be. I also felt very old walking around the streets of Boulder. Kind of like a ghost walking around. I used to feel very comfortable on the Hill, now I felt like I had wandered into some bizarre memory of a place.

Anyway, long story short, you should love Wolf Parade because they would love you. Now not only do I have decide between TV on the Radio or Mastodon and Converge in October, I have to decide between Stars and Wolf Parade at ACL. The fucking agony.

Enjoy some fancy claps. In MP3/m4a format.
Wolf Parade - Fancy Claps

fuck trilogys

Peter Jackson has been taking classes from George Lucas on how to fuck your fans over. So after a theatrical and extended edition DVD, team Wingnut is releasing a new limited edition version of the LOTR trilogy that includes both the theatrical and extended edition in the same package, with new documentaries (how they can have more documentaries about the making of this shit is beyond me). But the thing that really fucks me off is that the individual DVDs are going for $16.99. I spent about $60 on each of the movies, now you can get them all together for one low price? Bummer.

And I ain't gonna break down and get the Star Wars theatrical cut DVDs...must be strong.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy

I fucking hate yuppies.

Last night I wanted to punch about eight different people- which is a bit out of character but would've been worth the change in belief system. Making 50K a year doesn't impress me; being able to handle yourself out in public does. Since the start of the summer, Pete's downtown has shifted from counter-culture gathering place to standard LoDo douchebar. It's like a yuppie Unicron ate our indie Cybertron. We still have a steadfast group of local regulars, but they have since been outnumbered.

These...I don't know how to describe them...pieces of shit? That works. These pieces of shit are rude, obnoxious, and obviously have something to prove, judging by the enormity of the chips on their shoulders. And none of them can hold their liquor worth a damn. Here is one recent example of doucebaggery.

The other night an uberdouche was meandering down the Mall, kicking over trashcans and yelling into his phone. There was trash all over the street in his wake. As he passed by the patio at Pete's, some of the locals were mocking him; it was hilarious. A big lumbering oaf who LOVES the Broncos, Hooters, and his unfortunate faux-hawk (seriously guy- maybe pick up an AP or something- just combing your hair up and into the center of your head ain't gonna cut it), screaming crazy bullshit into his phone and knocking over city trashcans. He looked like a right twat.

This man did not find a whole patio of people laughing at him funny, and immediately walked up to the railing with that awesome look of total drunk crazy in his eyes, "whosgat a probbum wime? Huh? you ga fugga probbum?". There was a few exchanges of words, and finally a very drunk regular we are quite fond of named Marcie attempted to coerce this man to leave. He immediately stuck two middle fingers in her face and shoved her out of his way. And that was it! What everyone seemed to be waiting for- "he hit a girl, brah". After seeing that there was upwards of 15 dudes who were ready to annihilate him he backed off, walked across the street, and hopped right into the drivers seat of his Porsche. A resounding chorus of "boo" came up and he flew out of the car and raced across the street, racking himself on the railing as he attempted to jump it. Another favorite regular Matt jumped in and held the man at bay, but there was too much laughing going on. He took his shirt off (yes!) and rushed some guy who he thought was talking shit (who of course was not talking shit) and was instantly dropped by someone much smaller than him.

The guy finally left, defeated, and as he took off in his car he ran a red light. Pretty amazing. We had called the cops earlier, and by the time they arrived, the dude had already been picked up on a DUI. So, we kinda saved a life that night- maybe it was just that piece of shit's life, but I like to pretend it was the life of an unwed mother of three coming home from a double shift at McDonalds.

I know I sound like a snob, fitting the Pete's MO of being better than everyone, but it is hard to deal with stupid people all the time. They wait two minutes for a drink, get mad and talk shit, snap their fingers, then have neither their order ready nor money out when it's time to settle up. I make a significant amount of 'bank' off of these people, but sometimes the sheer ignorance of these folks is too much to take. So I blog about it, and count hundred dollar bills.

an old west crazy town

The legendary Gorilla Biscuits played at Cervantes last night, and the whole city had a glow about it from the elated hardcore kids everywhere. I was stuck at work, but the kids who came in seemed like they had just woken up on Christmas morning. But where I'm going with this is that after the show Walter Schreifels (GB, Youth of Today, Quicksand, Rival Schools, Walking Concert, World's Fastest Car...) played an acoustic set of his songs at the Hi-Dive.

Walt is an amazing entertainer. He was quite hilarious, boasting of his ability to do a David Lee Roth-style split, and how if it wasn't so cold in Antartica he'd move down to live with penguins (followed by his impression of a penguin). He opened with a cover of the Beatles' "She Loves You", and played a medley of Sick of it All songs that, strangely enough, ended with the Smiths' "Ask". Another medley contained "Fazer", "Slut", "Landmine Spring", and "Start Today". It was pretty fucking awesome, although I was kinda bummed that the only Rival Schools song he played was "Used for Glue"- which don't get me wrong was the shit. I would've enjoyed "Undercovers On" though...that song means and has meant a lot of different things to me, and to see it acoustic would've been amazing.

Anyway the whole night was absolutely incredible and surreal. Walt Schreifels is as close to a Dylan as this scene has, so it's fitting that we embrace him as such. And he also described being on Colfax Ave as being in an "old west crazy town" full of hookers and drugs. Sweet.

bands `n bands.

There is so much good shit coming through in the next few months, I figured as long as I'm up I should catalog this shit. Why am I awake? Me + Longman = Man date to Water World. Enjoy the listing.

I do plan on writing a little thing about Lollapalooza, but you can read about it anywhere; I instead am going to choose three little moments that made the whole trip worthwhile. Soon. I also got the Everything Absent or Distorted record The Soft Civil War and it's tits. Go grab it at Twist n Shout now.

clell tickle

I know, I know...you've seen this EVERY WHERE but that doesn't mean it ain't still fucking hilarious.



And if you want to see it in high-quality quicktime (cos sometimes YouTube kinda sucks).

Thanks to Morgan for pointing this out to me. This was the body of her email to me: "Aziz Ansari and Ted Leo. This makes me happy."

Damn right.

I probably should be slapped

I just re-read a post I wrote about TV on the Radio, and in refering to the album Return to Cookie Mountain I used the AIM slang "wtf".

As in "what the fuck".

Probably need a slapping.

harry pooter

This is from McSweeney's. Being an unabashed fan of all things Potter (you surprised? I have a giant Lord of the Rings tattoo!) I found this hilarious.

In other news I need a new book to suggest for my bookclub...anybody got anything? By anybody I mean Stephen and Morgan.


THE RECRUITMENT OF HARRY POTTER.
BY CRAIG BERMAN
- - - -
RE: Harry Potter campus visit
IMPORTANCE: High

Hey, all,

It's 24 hours until the big visit, and I hope by now everyone understands how pivotal this weekend is for us. Harry Potter has some off-pitch issues, but he's the best seeker I've seen in 80 years. Vic Krum says Potter can do things on a broom that he can only dream of, and Krum didn't win MVP at worlds last year because the committee pulled his name out of a hat. And if that's not enough, word from management is that it's all of our asses if he signs with someone else.

The good news is that it sounds like it's between us and Puddlemere, if Potter decides to play at all. We have to do whatever it takes to ensure we have a commitment before he leaves on Sunday. Let me say that again—whatever it takes. Do things I don't want to know about if you have to, but let's be sure he signs on the dotted line.

He and the Weasley kid are flying in on Friday. We're going to have to make an offer to both—Richardson, relax, nobody's going to take your job. We'll sit Weasley on the bench or ship him to the minors when the time comes, but we have to get him to commit to have any chance at all with Potter.

Wootton and Owen, Weasley's your responsibility for the weekend. Show him the cheerleaders, the parties ... hell, apparate him to India and show him the Taj Mahal for all I care, just make sure he thinks we're recruiting him regardless of whether Potter signs or not. If it means hiring some extra "talent" to seal the deal, whip out the credit card and do whatever it takes. But it probably won't be a tough sell. Weasley loves Quidditch and would probably go over to the Dark Lo—to He Who Must Not Be Named for a chance at the pros.

Potter is going to be a lot tougher. Bell says Potter wants to be an Auror, so we should definitely break out the academics among the season-ticket holders. Sell that we're the closest team to the Ministry of Magic, and that we're his best option if he wants to play at all, since he'll be able to manage the classwork and practice. Hey, if he actually can, more power to him.

Tell him we will absolutely pull Snape's season tickets if that's any concern at all. Hell, go ahead and do that anyway. Guy gives me the willies.

Don't worry—by all accounts Quidditch is Potter's main obsession. Well, that and the whole feud thing, but let's not bring that up unless he broaches the subject. (None of us have the Dark Mark, right? If any of you do, be sure to wear your long-sleeve jersey.) You know he'll love the facilities—the broom deal with Nike Magic, the state-of-the-art pitch, the sellout crowds ...

As for the entertainment ... I'm at a loss. We know he has commitment issues and isn't looking for anything serious, but that's about it. He dated that Chang girl for a while—the one who's probably going to wind up signing with Cardiff—and Weasley's sister. And Slughorn said there might have been something going on between Potter and some weirdo—her father runs the Quibbler or something. Bottom line is, I have no clue what type of girls he'd be interested in. But, for the love of Gryffindor, don't let the entertainment for Potter and Weasley overlap—the last thing we need is Weasley seeing Potter snogging another girl, and both of them getting all bent out of shape.

I'll be in charge of the Potter visit (except for entertainment—I'm looking for volunteers for that gig). We all know the sad story—dead parents, dead godfather, dead headmaster. He's in need of a father figure, and I'm willing to risk it. Yeah, a lot of people close to Potter wind up dead, but it's worth the danger for someone who's guaranteed to catch the snitch every time out. If it gets me a championship ring, I'll take all the Unforgivable Curses with a smile on my face.

Oh, and for the love of Gryffindor, don't let slip that we had Malfoy in last week. Word has it that they don't much like each other, so keep it on the down-low.

Let's do it.

—Coach

yes!

That is what I just spoke aloud to myself.

TV on the Radio got added to Austin City Limits. Life is pretty good.

Pitchfork Music Festival

Wow. Tired, dirty, and super tan I crashlanded my liver back into Denver Monday night. I have lots of stories and tales to be told, but how do you describe Jens Lekman's sweet pop wafting through the afternoon sun or the cathartic overwhelming feeling of love slash near-riot at the end of Broken Social Scene's set? It's hard to do.

After a night of heavy drinking and Cadillac drunk driving in Omahell, we set out hungover for Chicago. Wasn't in Morgan and Kurt's place ten minutes before I had drained an Old Style tallboy. We went to the Pitchfork kickoff party at the Metro, but kind of missed everything (including Aziz Ansari). Voxtrot was good, but catching up with the DOC Chicago seemed more important.

The next morning was hurting though. I will never complain about the heat in Denver ever again- the heat wave in Chicago was super fucking gnarly. It was all I talked about. Very similar to Miami in terms of the high humidity, but Miami never ever gets over a hundred (I loved the happy news reports- "The high today is 96 but with the humidity it feels like 120. Now to Frank with sports").

We had an extra ticket to sell, so I watched most of Band of Horses from the front gate. I am also the worst fucking scalper ever.

Mountain Goats and Destroyer played next respectively, then came the surprise of the whole week for this guy:


Art Brut!

Frontman Eddie Argos, swaggering like Dick Valentine*, led his team ("Ready Art Brut?") through most of Bang Bang Rock and Roll as well as some new songs. Totally fun, shamelessy self-effacing Brits. How can you not love a band who has a lyric that says "we're the band thats gonna write the song/that makes Israel and Palestine get along"? They are coming to the Bluebird October 10th with We Are Scientists. Do one, it'll be worth it.

Ted Leo commanding the crowd...you didn't think they could hate you now did ya?

Ted Leo is one of the most talented/immensly likeable guys in rock music today. Later that night Ted was at the Hideout for the Joggers and all I wanted to do was give the guy a hug. The set was Hearts of Oak heavy, with an incredible version of "Timourous Me" and a set-closing "Ballad of the Sin Eater" in which Ted leaped into the crowd and cracked his forehead open with the mic, leaving his face completely bloody by the end of the set. Fucking sweet. All the new stuff sounded amazing, very soulful and -dare I say- Clash-esque. Can't wait for the new record.

Total count for the day was Band of Horses/Mountain Goats/Destroyer/Art Brut/Ted LeoRx/the Walkmen/Futureheads/Silver Jews. We went right from Union Park to the Hideout for the Joggers/Jai Alai Savant show. Morgan, Kat and I got extremely drunk off of Old Style and Early Times.

Jens Lekman.

Day two started late, missing Tapes n' Tapes and Aziz Ansari again apparently. We pulled up just as Jens started his set, but it was hot and I was hungover, so we layed in the shade and listened to the Swede master do his thing. Highlights included "Pocketful of Money" and set-closer "You are the Light". Love that fucking guy (and his horn section- does?)

After that we jetted over to the Biz3 stage to catch CSS. Not quite as impressive as I was lead to believe, but sort of fun anyway. Unless you were crammed into that tent you couldn't see shit. But then...

Liars.

This band slays. I don't get it but it still slays. Homeboy was wearing pants and shirt which he shed mid-set to reveal a lovely polka-dotted dress. They kept bitching about the heat (kindred spirits) and some jerk yelled "you pussies!" It was kinda funny...though they didn't seem amused.


Aesop Rock.

Aesop and Mr.Lif slayed as well...Aesop did a killer version of "Lucy" with some dirty drumbeats behind it and had the whole crowd singing "Daylight" with him. Mr.Lif was good as well, throwing in "I Phantom" which was nice.

After that we watched Mission of Burma, Yo La Tengo, and a sound-problem-plagued Spoon, and didn't stick around for Os Mutantes. The trains were murder and even leaving as early as we did was still a mission. Quite a sticky smelly train ride.

More Chicago adventures to come!


96th floor bar, Hancock building. Worst ten-dollar well vodka press EVER- but the view more than makes up for it...

*Singer of Electric Six, who, quite frankly, are the fucking shit. Did I mention they are coming in October?

ready art brut?

I am currently rallying the sleepy troops in order to Blue Line it down to Grant Park for Lollapalooza. Today's menu consists of Sound Team, Cursive, Editors, Jeremy Enigk...jealous yet? I'll have all the wrap-up crap when I get back to the D (next week, Monday or Tuesday). It's been a long week and a half and I am kinda ready for it to be over...binge drinking, humidity, and lack of sleep equals a grumpy Matt Clark.