Wednesday, July 12, 2006

ARCHIVE: Mar-21-2006

two crosses around my neck.

Grandma Jenne.

For a short time I lived in Tallahassee, Florida. I was attempting to go to college there; in reality I was doing every drug I could get my hands on. I got into some serious trouble with the law, and was feeling really really low about my life. Luckily for me, my grandmother on my mother's side, Jenne, lived in Tallahassee. I was such a little piece of shit and this kind, loving woman never judged me or yelled at me, even when I stole her car. Grandma Jenne was beautiful and funny and did ridiculous things like buy a pair of rollerblades and drive a beat-up old Mustang until the family forced her into a new one. We always had a bond between us, because she always looked out for me in Tallahassee...made sure I was eating right and that I had clean clothes, and that I was doing okay, especially after everything that happened. Every couple Sundays I would go over and spend the night...we'd have dinner or watch a movie. I think I even went to church with her a few times. The day I left Tallahassee to face my parents and little brother she drove me to the airport and gave me a silver cross on a chain that she wore around her neck. She had given me a similar gift before, when I was quite young. Grandma Jenne was a religious woman, and worked in churchs and sunday schools, but she didn't give me the cross so that Jesus or someone would go with me, she gave it to me so that she could go with me.

Well anyways she passed away in her sleep last night. I think she was 86.

Towards the end of her life, she became very frail and had issues with her memory. She would often refer to me as her son, John. It always broke my heart. I saw her over the holidays, and I didn't spend as much time with her as I should have, because I thought it was too much to deal with. And now I don't get to spend any more time with her ever again.

I still have the two crosses, and wear them whenever I fly on a plane. I'm not a very good flyer, but for some weird reason I always feel like nothing bad can happen to me if I have these two little silver crosses around my neck. I've even nearly missed flights because of turning around to get them.

People die, and you feel sad, but my grandmother and I were so close for a time back then. I just wish it could've always been like that always. She was an amazing woman. I miss her already.


Post a Comment

<< Home